Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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