Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
