If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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