im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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