"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
