Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is Oprah even human
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
