He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
