I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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