Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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