Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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