i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
