May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
tell me about the fingering
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