We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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