you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
