shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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