hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You ruined the universe
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
