Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
