Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
