did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
