We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
