Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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