Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
