my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
