He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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