I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Randomize