My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
