happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
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Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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