How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I had to cum in my sink.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
