I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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