Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
