I'm going to rape someone's good day.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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