i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize