Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
