fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
