you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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