he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
