The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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