Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
