He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
