I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
