I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
