adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
