I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
