He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
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