I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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