I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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