It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
