Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
