I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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