Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I checked into jail on foursquare
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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