dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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