You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
