exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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