Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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