____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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