i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize