discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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