I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
