He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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