I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
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i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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