Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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