I hate all girls vehemently.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
