My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
