call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize